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Ask Madame Zoe D Ack | ||
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Do you have a question about love, friendship, a crush or a possible connection with that woman you've been thinking about? Ask Mme Zoe D Ack for guidance. | ||
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Visit Mme Zoe D Ack's Archives: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | ||
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Q: | Madame Zoe D Ack: Is it always a bad idea to have sex too early in a relationship? Like on the third date? Thanks, T
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3/7/2006 | A: | Hi T: Some time has elapsed since you wrote in this question so your ‘third date’ dilemma has come and gone. Perhaps, you’ve even hit the third month of dating this woman. If so, congratulations and I hope that by now you’ve consummated your relationship. However, like the stars at night, she might have come and gone and now you might have a new girl interest in the horizon. Mme Zoe would hate for you to be boggled once more with the issue of waiting vs initiating. You never did tell me your zodiac sign or hers, and since I much less can guess who the object of your affection might be at the moment, I have to advice you like Dear Abby would... cluelessly and conditionally. Some things to consider before you seal the sex deal on a third date are: Do you like this woman as a long term thing? Are you doing it because you think you might look like Grandma Moses if you don’t? Is this lady on your same level, meaning- do you both understand AND agree on what conditions you plan to get intimate? You don’t want to sleep with this woman thinking that it’s just for fun while she’s trying to calculate how she’s going to fit her coffee table in your apartment. I say, if you like her a lot, maybe you can wait a little longer and make the bond and experience more meaningful. If you’re only interested in a more carnal, superficial pleasure, that’s fine too as long as you are open about it. Doing the samba in between the sheets is wonderful but misunderstandings are not. Be clear and direct about your feelings and intentions with her, this way you minimize any future guilt trips, accusations or stalking scenario.
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Madame Zoe D Ack: I have recently broke up with a woman who has been lying and playing me concerning her previous ex. I asked her not call or talk with me about it but she just keeps playing with my emotions and she still does it. She has become an emotional vampire in my life. How do I get past this and her? Thanks. K
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Hi K: At one time or another we all get caught up in this type of cat and mouse, sadomasochistic tug of war. You’ve made it obvious to this woman that the topic of her ex bothers you. And she’s made it very clear that she gets a kick about seeing you squirm and suffer over it. You have done well in cutting ties with her. She indeed is an emotional anchor. You will not heal and move ahead as long as you have her within your range. I have no doubts that this woman suffers from low self esteem and she plays these games with you because it makes her feel important and mighty. It is in your best interest to not see her, not answer her calls, not have any type of communication with her. Think of the mind games she loves to play. Do you really want an established, long term commitment to this ‘wannabe lovergirl’? I know the answer is no. You have invested your feelings on this worthless piece of womanhood enough. Don’t go on the rebound looking for the first lady who’s nice to you. Go out, enjoy yourself. Most importantly, love yourself and slowly but surely gain back your self worth. This woman has been chipping it away from you. The good news is that you have the power to take your life and spirit under your command. I bet you that when you do find the right woman for yourself if this tomcat of a woman finds out about it she will be scratching the walls with envy. You have the last move on this game she’s playing and sooner than later you will have the last laugh too.
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4/6/2006 | A: | ||||
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Q: | Mme Zoe Ack: She's a an Aries, April 12. I'm a Leo August 19. All we do is argue. Should I leave her alone.....? But when I'm lonely my heart finds its way back to her. Autumn
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4/10/2006 | A: | ||||
Hi Autumn: Your girl is an Aries III and you are right on the Leo Virgo Cusp. Your lady is known to be a very outgoing, dynamic and social woman. She tends to have a strong personality, for better or for worse. In the good sense, she can take any situation, dive into it and solve it somehow. On the the downside, she can go off the deep end and be very stubborn, not caring to listen to the advice or reason of anyone. You, on the other hand, having traits of both your cusp signs, tend to have a bit of everything. You can be introverted or extroverted, practical or fantastical, a socialite or a loner, peace lover or warrior... it all depends on your mood, your surroundings and what’s going on in your life. Your girl’s personality tends to be more demanding (stronger) than yours. However, when the lioness in you begins to roar that’s when you have those clashes that make you feel like feeding her to the other lionesses. Your woman is in general a generous, sympathetic lady. She mostly needs to learn to cool it, take a deep breath and listen to you (this, of course, is easier said than done). You, also have to be aware of the antagonism your two cusp signs create in you. You have opposing forces working inside you and though you find balance most of the time you tip the scale to one side or the other at certain moments. When the Leo in you (the more belligerent side) sneaks out you need to take control of it. Overall, you ladies make a good match and there is no real reason why your relationship shouldn’t work if you both know when to step back and give in a little.
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Mme Zoe Ack: Madame Zoe D Ack, I have been sharing e-mails and phone calls with a Virgo womyn for 3 months. "El" lives 3 hours away. I invited her up this past weekend. We had what I considered a wonderful visit and we shared a bed cuddled and kissed. That was as far as it went. I e-mailed her and explained how taken I was with her and wanted to pursue a relationship if she too was interested. "El" e-mailed me back to tell me that on her 3 hour trip home that she had done a lot of thinking and had come to the conclusion that she was still having feelings for her ex of 2 years ago. Also to let me know that she wants to date and get to know multiple womyn. That yes she was attracted to me and if I was still interested knowing the above then we could go from there. I would never want to "tie" someone down and I do understand on "paper" the thought of getting to know several womyn and having a choice.. In reality however I have a hard time with"it". I really like what I see and hear from her. Any advice on how to deal with her seeing other womyn and me too? I have never been in anything other than an exclusive relationship and I don't want to lose her but not sure I can deal with not knowing where I stand in the "line up". I totally appreciate her honesty. I am a Gemini. Thank you! Kay
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Hi Kay: This Virgo woman, the object of your affection, gets points for being upfront and honest about her intentions with you. She also gets an invitation to participate in HBO’s latest series, Big (Lesbian) Love. In our sapphic version of the show she’s the center of the universe and gets the goodies from all the women she’s interested in. All’s good because all the ladies are informed of how the game is played- Virgo Vixen on one team and all of you on the other, ready to go to bat when she’s ready. Frankly, I have to wonder why 3 months into it is when you get to hear the grand plan of “I want to have your cake, my ex’s and a bunch of other women’s too.” Moreover, why does she tell you this after you’ve cuddled and made out? I have to think that she’s not over her ex or she’s not all over the thought of settling for you (or perhaps anyone in particular). This woman is, at best, confused or at worst... wanting to play with everyone. With that said, you’ve been warned. She could very well have played the field without telling you anything and one day smacked you with the news that she’s dating others or has found ‘the one’ she wants to settle down with. You are obviously interested in this lady even though you know the scenario. You have to sit and envision how you are going to feel knowing that she’s cuddling, making out and maybe even more with other women. Can you handle it? There is a slim chance she might later decide that you’re the one she wants to have an exclusive relationship with, but you have a bigger chance of striking out. If you can do nothing more than think about this girl and you want to be part of ‘the team’ then go ahead and enroll. But if you do join the club get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions. And by no means can you give her a guilt trip about anything because ‘the rules’ have been outlined for you well in advance. I think the best suggestion I can give you is that you do as she does and go out with other women too. If she’s not settling for you why should you settle for her? This way you prevent yourself from a Grand Slam play on your heart. Who knows? Maybe after going out with a few women you might be the one to put the Virgo Vixen to warm up the bench.
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4/20/2006 | A: | |||||
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