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Gossip, Good Or Gaudy?

Gossip. By the water cooler, by the bar, by the pool. It’s fun, it’s harmless. Or is it? Has your tongue ever exercised a bit too much? (And we’re not talking under the sheets!) Or have you been a vulnerable little lamb, victim of some razor sharp talkers? When does gossip stop being amusing and takes a dive into the pits of hell?

Ooh gossip! We all have done it at one point or another. We all have a friend who informs us about other people but doesn’t take it further. And then we have met at one point or another that terrifying person that just gets pure pleasure out of skinning people alive. You know the type, the ones who get this glossy look in their eyes like a kitten on catnip. *shivering* I draw the line when it stops being funny and just becomes horrifically diabolical. Yeah, it’s all hilarious until it hits (you) between the butt cheeks. It’s amazing to me how bad news travels fast! You never know when its going to be you. It’s like a Russian roulette or just plain old hitting the worse possible gossip lottery. Your day could be starting out well until... you hear from a friend who told another friend, that you did you know what, you know where, with you know who! Then it all stops being funny. Sure, for everyone else it’s just humorous. But it’s never the same for the individual being talked about. There is nothing funny about being under the spotlight for everyone to focus on and enjoy as they pass each other the dinner roll at the table. Or while they guzzle their beer at the local bar. I guess I feel strongly about it when it’s someone who sets out to harm the reputation of another. I’ve been talked about so much I’ve lost count. And what new fascinating revelation do I have to share with you? Nothing special really... just that it’s funnier when it’s someone else being talked about. I still don’t mind reading or listening to gossip as long as it’s about someone else and that the person doing the gossiping is not going on a bashing party.

I know gossiping is not a virtue but it is one of our favorite pastimes. I think the extent and closeness of the gossip is what’s most harmful. If you’re just talking about some movie star or singer’s life I don’t think that’s all that bad. Of course, taken to an extreme (posting up your hunches about someone on an internet site, for example) it can even become slander. But a little talk never hurt any tongue. Part of being in a society is to comment what’s going on around you and people are the most important and interesting topics at times. You can’t always talk about the weather, the N.Y. Yankees or the Dow Jones. I think as long as it’s not a harmful comment, meant to hurt someone’s reputation, it’s OK to chat up a bit. And really, there’s a fine line between just wanting to know how someone’s doing and wanting to get dirt and shovel them up.

4/2/2005

Hey girls, just thought I'd pop in here to say hi and to give my two cents on the topic. Yeah, people talk all the time about who's dating who or who is breaking up with who and we all do it, don't we? Of course we do! Sometimes through the grapevine we find out that that really cute girl that we've been eyeing is now single. Sometimes gossip can be informative in a good way. :) This is just my early morning coffee talk for you girls.

Sooo... did I win anything? I guess I'll settle for coffee when I come over next time.

S.G., Florida

4/2/2005

Hi everyone. I have to say that gossiping is one of my favorite things to do when I'm out with friends. Yes, sure, we sometimes burn someone who deserves to be burned. But not tooooooo bad. Cause you never know when you might end up dating them and look stupid after all you've said!

Amy, Texas

4/2/2005

I am Latin and in my country one of the things we do most is talk. It can be of some artist or of our neighbor but we always have something to say. Not always is it bad. We don't really see talking about someone as something really bad. It's almost like a second nature to us. In fact, I think everyone does it even if they don't want to admit it.

Minerva, Florida

4/2/2005

I live in a really tough neighborhood and sometimes you don't want to diss someone because you sort of feel bad for them. But peer pressure sometimes makes me feel like I have to say something about someone cuz if that person that was talked about finds out that she was dissed then the group will start thinking who was it that didn't talk much? And then they're gonna look at you like you were the one who went behind the groups back and told that person that they were getting dissed.

Sonya, New York

4/2/2005

Gossip is disgusting. Why can't people find something else to do with their time? Do you know how many volunteers are needed in hospitals, day care centers, clinics? There's so much you can do with your life than talk about others. I have been the victim of gossip many times. I have wrongly been judge and spoken about. I am a very honest person and I never harm anyone. I don't understand why there's a need to be this way. It perplexes me to no end.

Jen, California

4/3/2005

I'm going to get tomatoes thrown at me for this but I have to say that I LOVE GOSSIP. It's what makes the world go round! *LOL* Really, I can't get enough of shows that tell me what JLo is up to and what Jennifer Aniston is doing now. I can't wait to find out about break ups, hook ups, let downs. It's life. I'm an open book with my friends. They all know what's going on with me and I know what's happening with them. So I just love knowing what's going on with everyone. Is that so bad? No, it's great. It means I care.

Katrina, Ohio

4/3/2005

I'm just writing a couple of line's now before I head out. I still don't know what most of you girls are going to say about this topic but there's one thing I know for sure- Anyone here who dares say that they don't like to gossip is a big liar. I don't talk badly about anyone, it's harmless talk but I DO talk about people. It's just normal. In fact, I think it's healthy.

Lourdes, Texas

4/3/2005

I admire people who can talk away without a care in the world about friends and others who they have never met! I applaud them for filtering out any guilty feelings they may have hidden deep within. I couldn’t just talk about someone and not think of the consequence it may have in their lives. But then again that’s just me.

Danielle, Illinois

4/3/2005

I don’t tolerate gossip in my home and if I’m out with someone and they start to talk about someone’s personal life to me I just shut them out mentally. I don’t see why I have to listen to anyone who has a bad or juicy story to share with me. I only welcome good news.

Millie, New Mexico

4/3/2005

I don’t think a little gossip is so bad. Some of you need to relax a bit. Sure, we can talk about movies, books and art but is that always going to be the topic? I think it a little gossip here and there is fine.

Susan, Georgia

4/3/2005

If you really think about it, gossip is something we all do and be it harmful or for fun it’s just something to pass the time. We all know it happens and we’re not children here, we know how to differentiate when someone is trying desperately to hurt the reputation of a friend or when it’s just done innocently. So the next time you hear something about someone that’s just nasty and uncalled for, change the topic and be careful the next time your so call friend asks you what’s new with your life. You may be the next one to be talked about by her when she’s all alone at home waiting for that phone to ring eating her chocolate marshmallow cookies and gathering up more information so she can be interesting and have something to say in the next social party she’s invited herself to.

Molly, New York

4/5/2005

Gossip is wrong. Just because almost everyone falls into that behavior it doesn't make it right or acceptable. Yes, I too have gossiped in my life but I have really tried to break that habit. It's a really ugly one to have. There are many other things going on in life that you can talk about and if you can't find something else to chat about then how about keeping quiet?

Magui, Spain

4/5/2005

Hi. I wanted to comment about gossip. I like gossip but only the gossip about movie stars, singers and people in the media. I really don't agree that you should talk about your lover, friends, family or neighbors. It's just really ugly not to mention dangerous. Just wait until you are caught in the middle of some gossip and you will see how dangerous it is. It's best to keep gossip far and away.

Chris, Colorado

4/5/2005

Hello everyone. This might sound odd but when it comes to gossip, I think that gossip can be good. I've been able to sway away from certain problems or situations thanks to people who 'talk too much.' Gossip can be an alert alarm if used correctly. Also, you just need to see who you're talking to. If you are really close and tight with your best friend/s then talking to them about someone is not going to bring about any problems. Now if your friends have a loose tongue then you know what you're getting into. If your friend is barbequing other people the likelihood that she'll bbq you is high.

Heidi, California

4/8/2005

Gossip can be a good thing sometimes. As it was the case for me. I'll explain. With me, someone tried to ridicule, slander, belittle me. Why? I don't really have that answer and I doubt I ever will. Point is, I took all of it absorbed it and yes got angry. But in the midst of all of it. I found myself doing something about it. And so, I'm thankful for it. I took a twisted person's vendetta against me and turned it into a positive situation for me. So, this is why I say gossip is not always a bad thing. :)

Lucia, Oregon

4/9/2005

I think gossip is good. Not because talking about people, especially behind their back, is something to be proud of but because when word gets around about what your big mouth is saying, everyone get to know the real, ugly you.

Stella, Ohio

4/9/2005

I lost my ex girlfriend to gossip, so I can only say that I despise it now. Yes, I used to do some talking before. Nothing very bad but after my experience this last time I think I will not open my mouth to talk about anyone again. I didn't even say anything really bad about my girlfriend but what I said got back to her and somehow whatever you says comes back with some added words you didn't say and next thing you know what you said that wasn't so terrible turns out to be very bad. It's best to keep comments to yourself.

Lynn, Texas

4/12/2005

Those of you who find gossip to be such a positive and great thing, you obviously haven't been caught in a web of lies and deception. I don't see anything good coming out of talking about people. I don't care if they are Hollywood stars or your neighbors. Much worse- your lover!!!!

Patricia, Illinois

4/12/2005

Gossip is bad but let me tell you what's worse, family gossip! Man, sometimes you have to ask yourself if you're adopted because some of the crap they dig up on each other just to look good, it's enough to make anyone want to DIVORCE themselves from their family.

Ashley, New York

4/16/2005

Gossip and rumors are never a productive thing. They always cause more harm than good. My personal experience with gossip has been pretty bad. The worse thing that has happened to me, thanks to gossip, is when my boyfriend found out that I was gay. I was going to tell him myself but a few friends of mine's just had to open their big mouths. Of course my then boyfriend was even more hurt and furious because he found this out through other people. I'm sure if I would have spoken to him first things would have been better.

Ely, Colorado

4/16/2005

I think gossip belongs to those who don't have much of a life and feel the need to spend their lives living through other people's experiences. I don't know how many times I've been fucked over by shit people make up. It so pisses me off when I hear stuff about me going around, half of which is bull. Get a life!!!!

Tina, Utah

4/17/2005

You all make me laugh. I agree with the girls here that say that if you say you don't like gossip you are full of it. Come on. Who are you fooling? Yourselfs maybe because you ain't fooling no one else. Gossip makes the world go round. Check out how many tv shows live and breath on gossip. Or just go to your nearest supermarket, pharmacy, video store or whatever, you'll hear people talking about people everywhere. And I'm sure all of you have done it and will continue to do it so stop pretending like you are so saintly. Please!!!!!

Wendy, Michigan

4/17/2005

I wanted to say that gossip can be fun and harmless. It sort of depends on who's talking about what. I like to talk to my friends about what my other friends are up to. Is that considered gossip? In this case, is it such a bad thing? I don't think so, we are just catching up on each other's life and that isn't hurting anyone.

Maggie, Maryland

4/19/2005

Ladies, I normally wouldn't talk/write about anything on the net but gossip has so ruined my life that I feel I need to. I was born and raised in a small town and I had to move from my home, from where I had my family, my work and my girlfriend. The word got around in my town that I was seeing the 'dyke' of the town and it spread like wild fire. Being from a small, especially the men were not happy about the news and found a way to harass me each time the saw me out in the street. I even got my house grafitti with really ugly words. There's a part of me that is happy that the gossipers ousted me but I was hurt about the way some people went about it. So to any of you who like to gossip, please think twice when you speak. You don't know just how much grieve you can bring to someone's life.

N.S., Kentucky

4/22/2005

I have read some of the horror stories you've shared here and I understand how gossip can harm and even change your life for the worse. Though sometimes it can motivate you to do better. I have to say that I used to like talking about people but I have change my ways and now I find any other thing to talk about before talking about my friends. It's just not nice.

Amy, Texas

4/23/2005

It might not seem original and some of you might laugh at it but there's a saying along the lines of 'she who gossips with you, gossips about you' and I think it would do some of you well to take those words into consideration next time you're thinking of talking about someone

Yoli, Peru

4/22/2005

I wanted to tell you that I strongly sympathize with the lady from Kentucky. Gossip harmed me in a bad way too so I don't look at people who gossip kindly. I also come from a small town and gossip has ruled and labeled my life. I hate it and honestly I hate the people who do it too.

Cynthia, Ohio

4/25/2005

I'm not fond of gossip really, but I have no big problems with it either. I'm a confident person and anything someone has to say about me is really not going to crumble me down. Suits me fine if they have something bad to say about me. I know I'm a good person overall and that whomever is speaking behind my back has bigger issues than I do.

Stella, Michigan

4/23/2005

Girls, take comfort in knowing that the biggest gossipers out there are MEN. Yes, that's right. That gender that always accuses us of talking too much. Well they are the ones that talk the most. I had several boyfriends before I turned gay and damn, they talked about people ten times more than I ever do!

Biela, New York

4/26/2005

I always felt that people who gossip about me viciously should only be paid in the same manner. After all if they feel like they are perfect and can do no wrong then let them cast the first stone. As for me, I’ll be digging every bit of their dirt and making it a point to share it with all. And since they have done this to me already they shouldn’t be upset at me. Why should they? If they took a chance on ridiculing you it will only be fair to repay the favor.

Teresa, Montana

4/25/2005

People are so lame and bored. And when I say people I mean both men and women! What's it to you if I have a girlfriend or boyfriend? What do you care if I got fired or if I didn't pay the rent on time? Are you going to help me out? I don't think so, so butt out!

Lena, New York

4/29/2005

If someone is doing you wrong, you waste more time trying to pay them back, you save time and energy by just thinking of how to make a difference in the situation. Life is not about how much you gain but how many people you reach. Sure it would be easy for me or anyone for that matter to say FUCK YOU! And think of ways to embarrass or ridicule them. It’s way too easy to do that! Especially hidden in cyber space. But I bet you that none of these people will talk to you in your face or tell you what they really feel about you when they are all alone. Someone who talks shit about me and faces me afterwards gains respect from me even if I don’t like what they have to say. While someone who hides behind the scenes and doesn’t know me from atom but talks shit about me just makes me wonder if they need to get a life. In fact I feel sorry for them. If you don’t know someone and they take every opportunity to bring you down. Then it has to make one think that they just live an empty life.

Angie, Florida

4/28/2005

Hmm... I don’t agree with you. You shouldn’t use intimidation as a form of getting what you want. I don’t care how bad that person was to you, there is always a better way to solve your problem than using manipulation tactics.

Sylvia, Canada

1/25/2006

I'm a lesbian who's still in the closet. Because I'm very femme most people don't really think that I am gay. But I am almost in my mid 40's now without a husband or boyfriend so a few office yappers have started to circulate gossip around me. Some have been hinting that I might be gay. Others have been saying that maybe I have some type of illness or that I have some psychological problem Well, one of their gossips is correct. I do like women 100% but their other gossips are really off the mark. My main point is that all this talk is ruining my reputation. I have otherwise been known to be an intelligent, hard working person. Now all that's going around in my office is about my sexuality and any other problems I might be having. It's really none of anyone's business. I think there are better things to talk about than someone sexuality, etc. Especially at work, gossip is terrible. Don't do it.

Sandrine, Arizona

1/23/2006

I don't think I'm a pro at anything but I think I know something about gossip. People who don't have a life, people who are bored with themselves, people who don't like themselves- these are the kind of people that are always talking about others. Those of us who are busy with work, with life and social activities have better things to talk about than the crap gossipers chit chat about. So in conclusion, if you are a gossiper, go get a life!

Jen, NY

1/26/2006

She who doesn't gossip isn't human. Sorry girl, but who can resist a good juicy gossip? I certainly can't and I know that all of you have at some time or another enjoyed hearing what's going on with someone else. We all enjoy gossip. Whether it's about a friend, a Hollywood star or even a stranger. It's just human nature wanting to know what's going on with others. I don't see any harm in talking about others. It's OK to communicate and that's part of life. To those of you who claim that you've never spoken about others, you're only fooling yourselves.

Trisha, Texas

1/26/2006

I think women are their worst enemies. We love gossip and we don’t care if it’s fact or fiction. We just love to have our cell phones on speaker or text massage and resend them to our girlfriends so our friends can read or listen in on our conversation when its appropriate for us and not damaging to our egos. One way I know someone loves to gossip is when they just never stop talking about their friend’s fuck ups. I’ll listen to it but I won’t help spread the bad news.

Alex, NY

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