R.S.V.P. LOUNGE

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How accurate is your lesbian forecasting system?

Have you ever been interested in a woman you weren’t quite sure was into you (or for that matter, you didn’t know if she was gay or not)? How did you let her know you liked her? Did she shower you right back with kisses or did she balk you with thunderstorms and hurricane force fury?

Congratulations to Amy, Sonya, Minerva, Jen & Katrina for being the first 5 ladies to answer to last month's r.s.v.p. topic. We hope you all enjoy your free Les Femmes Cafe t-shirts.

My lesbian forecasting system is really crappy. I’ve never been keen at knowing if someone is gay or not. I know not to go based on a woman’s haircut (if it’s long or short). My first crush was really tricky. I fell for my political science teacher who happened to be a passionate feminist. I couldn’t make it harder on myself if I tried. It was my first time flirting with someone I wasn’t sure of. It was difficult for me to tell what her sexual preference was. I found myself doing and saying things I’d normally never do. I would stay after class to ask her questions and flirt with her, just to see if she would give me any hints that she was gay or not. But she never did. This went on for close to a year. I had made up my mind that my teacher was not interested in me whatsoever and that she was into men. Finally, the semester was over. After class I gave her a small gift and was telling her how much I was going to miss her when she invited me over to dinner at her place. After one too many glasses of wine I’m happy to say that my forecast was sunny and clear. I was one happy girl.

I’ve always had trouble with my forecasts. I’m a terrible lesbiologist or for that matter, likeologist. I have a hard time telling when someone likes me ‘that way’. So it’s been my past experience that compliments from women (hell, even compliments from men) have gone undetected by me. I’ve had several women who I had no idea were gay, hit on me and it’s taken me (or them) some very obvious insinuations until it dawns on me that I’m an active participant in a flirting game! And then of course..... the guessing game ends and we start the next phase. Now, as far as flirting with a woman and letting her know that I’m into her..... I’ve never had the bad luck of torrid tornadoes coming my way. But maybe it’s because I’ve never gone all out without a clue. I either flirt directly with women that from facts, surveys, polls and research, I know are gay or if I don’t really know then I subtly flirt with her, get to know her, listen up to any cues such as ‘my bodybuilding boyfriend’ or ‘my husband who works for the F.B.I.’ You know, those kind of small but telling details. Only when I have a feeling that I have some chance of success do I ask her if she’s interested in going out, etc.

5/6/2005

My lesbian radar sucks big time. I don't know how many times I've struck out with the ladies. I've even gotten a few slaps along the way. It's true, you can't go by how a woman looks. One of my biggest mistakes was thinking that my high school gym teacher was gay. I never saw her with guys, she was always ultra nice with me and would even tell me to stay after school to help her out. I thought she was little by little giving me signals. So one day I told her my car wasn't working and I asked her if she could give me a lift home, when we got there I invited her in for something to drink. After laughing and having a great time I went to kiss her and she totally freaked on me. Not to mention I freaked even more. I don't know if she ever told anyone but I sure as hell didn't. I was so happy that my graduation was happening in 3 months but shit, those were like the longest 3 months of my life.

Elisa, NY

5/6/2005

I've always been lucky in love. :) I've only made the moves on three women but all of them have more than welcomed me. I don't know. I guess you just know when it's right. It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay, you know the feeling when someone's is into you or not. I've never had a rough time figuring out when when I'm liked.

Patty, Oregon

5/7/2005

I don't have a good sense of who is gay or not but my best friend does. I was not even out when this happened. My best friend, who's straight, introduced me to this girl who was new in town and was single. She thought since the two of us were alone that it would be nice it we'd hang out. And it sure has been nice all right. Hee hee. Turns out that she didn't know she was gay and I didn't either. But after being together all the time for a almost a year we started developing the most beautiful feelings ever and it was then we both new we loved each other and we've been together ever since.

Andrea, NY

5/6/2005

I normally get my dates from friends or when I go to my clubs but once I tried to get a date from one of my co workers and it went really bad. I kinda thought this girl was gay. She would always be looking and smiling at me. Telling me how great I looked, always asking me what I was doing for the weekend. I thought, hey I think this could work. So I go and make plans to meet up during the weekend. We first went walking and shopping and everything was cool. We went to dinner and that was nice too later I took her home and she asks me in so I think, here we go! She's in the kitchen looking out and telling me how beautiful the night is, and she's looking at me like she wants to kiss so I go for it and she pulled away, spit in my face, called me everything you could imagine and the next day at work she told every single fucking person she could think of. She left the job some time later and I'm still working here just fine but it was not nice for a while.

Melinda, Pennsylvania

5/8/2005

If your gaydar is not working, it's not your fault. There are so many women that love to play the cat and mouse game that it's OK for these type of embarassing moments to happen to all of us. I can't begin to tell you girls how many times I've had women flat out flirt with me and then when I go for it I get dirty looks, slaps, etc. To any ladies that might be reading this and have been in these predicaments- don't flirt and come on to someone if you're not going to take it farther.

Dinah, NY

5/8/2005

I wish I had the same problems of getting accepted or rejected. My problem is that the woman I'm in love with doesn't even have a clue that I'm crazy about her. We get along great, go our sometimes and have an awesome time when we do spend time together but I just don't know if she's gay or not and I don't know how to tell her. I so want this to work out but I'm scared to death about being rejected by her. If anyone has any advice on how to tell her (shoud I even tell her???) I'd appreciate it.

Lyndsay, Colorado

5/10/2005

This message is for Lyndsay, asking for advice whether to tell the woman that she loves that she's crazy about her. Lyndsay, if I were you I wouldn't wait another day. What do you have to lose? A lot. What do you have to gain? Even more. You don't know what this woman is thinking and feeling for you. Your fear might be keeping you away from the love of your life and from the biggest happiness you will ever find. Don't wait another day and tell her. The worse that can happen is that she's not a lesbian and she likes you as a friend.

Danielle, Arizona

5/9/2005

I fell in love with my boss, but I knew she was straight. She was married with three children. But I just couldn't get her out of my thoughts. I never had the valor to tell her anything because I didn't think I had a chance. Then one day I walked into her office and I noticed that she was crying. I asked her why she was crying and she told me she was getting divorced. Like 3 months later she asked me if I wanted to go drink a cup of coffee with her and that's when she asked me if I was gay. I told her yes and she confessed that she was gay too and that is why she left her husband. Soon after that we started dating and we've been together ever since.

Marcela, Argentina

5/11/2005

This is in response to Lyndsay in Colorado's post: Lyndsay, it seems to me like you really have no idea how this lady feels about you and doing anything in a rush might not be a good idea. If you've waited this long, wait longer. You don't want to make a fool our of yourself and jeopardize your relationship with this lady or for that matter, your relationship at work or wherever you know her from.

Patty, Georgia

5/10/2005

I actually was the one that got hit on. One of my superiors came on to me and asked me for a date. I'm just as gay as she is, but I wasn't into her so I declined that offer and the bitch just made my life hell. So much so, that I had to quit my job. I don't think that ifyou're interested in someone at work you should pursue it. If it doesn't go well it's going to get ugly.

Giselle, Florida

5/11/2005

I am terrified of telling the woman I love that I like her that way. I don't know how she feels about me and I can't tell by her reactions to me because she is just a naturally loving, kind, beautiful woman. Where I live, it's difficult to come out of the closet and express your love. I don't care about embarrassment to me but I don't want to embarrass her. She is very lovely and I care too much to hurt her. This woman has never been married and she is very nice to me but I don't know if she is a lesbian. Any advice?

Angela, Venezuela

5/11/2005

I'm happy to say that I've had all types of outcomes regarding my crushes with women. Some of them have ended up being just friends, dates and sometimes even lovers. I've professed my love to women that weren't gay too but I haven't been shunned. Maybe it's all about the openess and quality of a woman. If she's really a great gal then even if she's not gay she won't be rude and mean about it.

Lori, Florida

5/12/2005

I had a girl declare her secret crush to me on a greeting card. She was in my spinning class. I thought she was really cute and we would flirt a bit here and there but I had just started dating this other girl and was not about to mess that up. I told her that I was flattered and if it were not for the fact that I was seeing someone at the moment I would have loved to get to know her more. Well, the girl I was seeing turned out to be seeing everyone else and instead of getting angry, I was happy because my secret crush and I got to bond a bit more and eventually we moved in together after a few months of dating. I’m really happy for the first time in my life I feel I met someone who clicks with me heart and soul. If you have a secret crush don’t be afraid to take a chance.

Vilma, NY

5/12/2005

I had a secret crush and after a few weeks of talking to her I wrote her a letter to let her know how I felt about her. It turns out she had a crush on me as well! I guess, if you don’t take a chance in letting someone know how you feel you may be missing out on something wonderful. I would advise anyone out there who has a secret crush on someone to just come out and say it. Good luck! P.S. If you get slapped on the face for hitting on a straight woman, it’s not my fault! :D

Antonette, Poland

5/12/2005

I had a secret crush on someone and took too long to let her know for fear of rejection. My friend whom I confided my crush to, told me that I should write her a letter letting her know my feelings towards her. Thing is she knows very little about me and I really have not spend time alone with her. The few times we’ve bumped into one another has been at a mutual friends home for a get together. We’ve spoken but very few times has it been one on one. The last time which was for a birthday I was joking around with her and I could have sworn she was flirting with me. She asked for my phone number and I almost forgot what it was. I was so nervous yet, happy. I gave her my number and we’ve spoken a few times but I still can’t come out and tell her how I feel. I think she knows but then just the other day, she told me she was going on a date with this woman from work. My heart went cold. I didn’t know what to say so I just said let me know how it goes. I think I’ll see how her date goes first and then depending on that I will then gather up the courage to tell her how I feel about her. I wish I could be like my friend who just feels comfortable telling women she likes how she feels. But this is just the way I am.

Alicia, Chile

5/14/2005

About two years ago I told this girl that was a good friend of mine that I liked her and she thought it was cute and wanted to experiment with me but made it really clear that she was not leaving her boyfriend. And of course I agreed to that to only be heart broken later on. Because while she was just having fun, I was falling in love. What hurts me most is that I lost a friend because I went along with my crush. I don’t recommend it. One should never cross the line with a good friend no matter how much you find them attractive. And if you do cross the line be prepare to feel the cold backlash.

Teresa, California

5/16/2005

I’ve always been shy and but I couldn’t believe how aggressive I became one night with a friend I’ve had a long existing crush on. After we went back to her place and got ready for bed. We had to share the same bed and this made it really hard on me. As we spoke a bit in the dark. I blurted out I love you. And then heard silence. She had fallen asleep on me. Thing is somewhere in the middle of the night I was woken up by a her kissing me on my neck. That was it for me, I was in my first relationship ever! It only lasted a few months but I have to say the sex was the most unbelievable ever! Perhaps it was because she was my first but I could never get her off my mind.

Crystal, Virginia

5/14/2005

After I broke off a 4 year relationship because my ex was always cheating on me and I just had had enough. One of my close friends come out and told me if she had been going out with me she would never let go. And that’s when I knew she love me more than just a friend. Between the tears and my friends loving comfort, we were got caught up in the moment and kissed. We both felt the earth move. :)

Meredith, Illinois

5/17/2005

I had a crush on my ex’s cousin who was so hot but never acted on it. One night I was in a club and I bumped into her cousin again. She was talking to me and spend the whole night with me. I was wondering why? And I asked her if she wanted to go hang out with her friends who were also at the club. And she replied that she’d rather hang around with me because she’d liked to get to know me better. It turned out she like me too but out of respect for her cousin she never let me on to it.

Damaris, California

5/20/2005

It's not a big surprise to me that a lot of women haven't come forth with their experiences of love and fulfillment with other women. We are still in a society that doesn't permit women to be free and agressive in seeking love and being loved. I think coming out and telling a woman that you're crazy about her is one of the most beautiful experiences you could ever have. Those of you that are afraid of 'coming out'... don't be! You're only regret should be if you're holding your emotions inside.

Karen, Oregon

5/21/2005

When I was younger and still living at with my parent's at their NYC apartment I had a huge crush on one of the janitors in our building. She was so hot and energetic I was basically paralyzed everytime I saw her. But then I went to college and moved out of my parents and she stopped working at the building. As fate should have it I bumped into her a few laters and I didn't hold back my feelings anymore! I invited her to coffee and just blurted out how I had the biggest crush on her. She said she also had though I was cute but didn't dare to do anything else because of obvious reasons. Well, to make my story brief we started seeing each other on and off and even moved together and lived happily for several years. We've now gone our different ways but I wouldn't trade the moment. Too bad I didn't tell her about my feelings before.

Lucy, Massachusetts

5/21/2005

Girls, you're really inspiring me to face my demons. I've liked Josephine forever. She's my best friend, but I'm not even sure she likes women. I mean, she doesn't have a boyfriend and seems not to be into them too much but I just don't know how she feels about me. I just know I'm head over heels for this girl! But I'm so nervous. I couldn't take the rejection if she said she didn't feel the same way. I admire those of you who have come forth and told the one you love how you feel. Maybe sometime I'll have the courage too.

Arlene, Texas

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