R.S.V.P. LOUNGE

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A Solid Business Plan or A Shady Proposition?

Working hard can boost your chances of a raise at work but so can sleeping with your boss. Have you ever dated a woman because you thought she would further your career? Did your plan lead you to a pink slip or a slip into her silk covers?

If you’re crossing the professional line with your boss at work you better have a master backup plan. Office romance hardly ever lasts especially if your boss is an aggressively sexy diva. It can be a rush to be secretly sleeping with her but keep in mind that this woman has the power to mess up your career or at least make the rest of your days with the company very uneasy to say the least. Yes, it can be tempting. For example, you can sleep in a little longer snuggled up to her, she can also give you a ride to work (with gas prices soaring, this sounds more tempting than ever). Think of all the extra days off you can get. And my personal favorite, the Christmas bonuses that have never been more generous! Sounds good doesn’t it? But you better believe me when I tell you, she will own you. You will have a cool little beeper, cellphone and laptop computer, but don’t think about calling or emailing anyone but her on it. This is where you hopefully wake up and see things in a different light. By this stage you know that your hot office romance is one step away from becoming an ongoing problem for YOU. From here on you will have a serious leash on your neck. And what will you do now? Once you play the game you can’t go back, can you? No. We’re not playing Candyland. Sad truth is that these office romances hardly end amicably. Either she will get tired of you and will begin to eye her new conquest or you’ll end up getting tired or jealous and begin to rock the boat , in which case she will then fire your ass. And then what are you going to do? You can always report her but keep in mind that your next employer will skip your business suaveness and focus on your knack to be the best personal assistance a boss could ever dream of. Best thing is to swallow your pride and make peace with her. After all, it was fun and she didn’t exactly twist your arm to sleep with her or get you to lick off the Hershey syrup from her nipples, did she? The only way I would think this is okay is if you’re on your way out of the company, in which case there is nothing to worry about. I say go for it!

Would I like some cream on my coffee or would I rather lick the cream off my boss? While I haven’t yet ventured off into the business of bossing my boss around in the bedroom, I think I’d probably steer clear from such a gamble. Playing Russian Roulette with your job isn’t a very smart thing. Sure, I’d love to get to know Oksana a little better but not if it means a perestroika of all sorts. It would be lovely for everyone else in the office to lick my feet. But what if the romance finishes in a heartbeat? Then those same feet would be walking out the door wondering what to do with my 401K and where I’m going to live (now that penthouse 4-K is no longer my living and loving headquarters). Oh yes, and walking would definitely be part of my new agenda since she would likely pull the plug on that cute little car “the company” had given me to use for “official matters”. Not to mention that when I take my application for work to my next potential boss s/he will likely call Oksana to exchange impressions on what kind of employee I was. Will Oksana chuckle when she tells them about my talents and devotion to “the job”? Will she laugh when she tells my prospective new boss I’m surely one s/he should “check out”? I don’t know... the airline industry is supposed to be raising their prices soon (so I’d lose out on those expense paid office trips) but as I see it, there are still plenty of frugal fantasies I can make a reality without having to bed my boss. I guess, for now, I’ll continue business as usual.

9/25/2005

It’s terrible that someone, especially a woman, would have the heart to take advantage of a younger woman who’s still growing and has such a malleable mind. But I know it can be difficult for a woman who’s in power not to be attracted to a vibrant woman who is willing to do anything to move ahead. I’m torn in this only because I also know younger women who see it as fun and challenging. In fact I would dare say they sort of look for the extra attention although, it’s not always going to be favorable to them. A lot of women start things off as fun only to end up falling in love with their women bosses.

Brigitte, Mississippi

9/25/2005

I find it hard for someone who’s ambitious to not use their sex appeal for their personal gain when it comes to furthering their career. I’ve done it and have gotten burned many times, but I knew what I was doing and just learned from my mistakes.

Giselle, Florida

9/26/2005

A few years ago I worked for a company where one of the bigger bosses was a lively, intelligent and highly motivated lesbian. I was at a point where I was exploring my feelings for women so I started to flirt with her. One thing let to another and we started to date without anyone else knowing. We actually broke up in a friendly manner and we still sort of keep in touch. I didn't really use her to move up in my career but getting to know this woman really helped me because she was a fountain of information. I don't regret being with her.

Kate, Wisconsin

9/26/2005

I love dating women wherever I've worked. I don't know if I scream out GAY to all of them but somehow we end up going out for coffee or drinks and next thing you know we're living together. Anyway, of all the times I've dated women that work with me I've never used any of them for my own personal gain. I think it's pretty filthy to do something like that. If you want to better yourself at work then work some more, go to night school or go do something else but don't play with a woman's feelings!

Nathalie, New Jersey

9/27/2005

Guilty as charged! I'm going to get clobbered for admitting this but I've slept with several gay women to get a raise or get a better position at work. I mean, if you're both adults I don't see the harm. Most of these women were way older than myself and they kind of knew that I need (or wanted) to improve my situation. I don't think they minded at all. I treated them very nice and I'm even still friends with one of them so I couldn't have been that bad.

Meredith, Washington, DC

9/26/2005

I don't think it's a good idea at all to date someone else in the workplace, especially if it's a woman. A while back I got a great job with a public relations firm and I met a very nice lady there. She had a better ranking at work than I did. We became really close friends and then somehow we ended up becoming lovers. She was my first lesbian experience but she had already been with women before but no one at work knew she was gay. Well, I'm not going to write more details but let's just say that the people at work found out about us and it wasn't a pretty picture. I left that job about 2 months after it all exploded and I don't know how long my lady boss stuck around because after that I thought it was better we didn't have contact. I didn't really use her but I did think that maybe with time she could get me a better job in the company but it wasn't worth it. As you see, I had to leave that job and start from the bottom again in another one.

D. G., Michigan

9/28/2005

Hello, I don’t know how long it will take for my thing to get posted but here it goes, I dated my female boss who had a high ranking job at the post office and used it many times to woo women at work and I happened to be one of many. At first I thought I was the only one who caught her eye. As you can imagine it’s not advisable to flaunt your business at the workplace especially if one is gay. And this woman used it to her advantage. She would seek the meek to entice them into a relationship with her to make herself feel powerful. She knew that these women would not report her be it because they were not out publicly or because they feared losing their jobs and she was right. She had a couple of women she made feel as if they were the only “one” when in reality she had a couple. It was only because the other women were not as loyal as she thought they would be. Once the niche caught her in her deceitful ways it was only a matter of time before the other ladies started to date one another and some formed relationships thanks to her. Me being one of the lucky ones. I not only got a job in the location I wanted but I also found love. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for close to 6 years. And I have her to thank. If I had to do it all again I would.

Happy in New Jersey

9/29/2005

I really would like to think that it's a minute minority the amount of women willing to, on purpose, play with a woman's heart. By nature, women are pure, sensitive, loving, nurturing. How in the world could anyone ever think of hurting or using a woman? Most especially it boggles my mind that another woman would dare to! I am a woman with considerable pull at work and I would never use that power to entice a lady. I've been called highly principled by some, but that's OK. I see nothing wrong with holding on to integrity. I have helped many a woman advance in their careers and yes some of them have become my lovers but I never asked anything in return. All I ask for is love and I surely have gotten it from all the ladies I've been with.

Lynn, Conneticut

9/29/2005

Life is tough and rough so when I do get a chance to get a break, heck I take the opportunity. Lady bosses out there- if you don't want to get 'used' then don't offer anything. That's the solution. Twice in my life I've been presented with the opportunity to gain something by being with a woman in higher power and I've gladly taken the opportunity handed to me. I'm sure they both really enjoyed our rolls in the hay and I better not catch either one saying how they got used by me because we both knew what we were getting into. Plus, I was OFFERED these things, I didn't coerce nobody. So lady bosses if you feel you've been had maybe you should learn from your kind offerings and retract them before you get used again.

Claire, Arizona

9/30/2005

If there's any piece of advice you should follow today, it's mine. Ladies, don't ever get involved with someone at work, most especially with your lady boss. I became lovers with my supervisor back in 2003. For almost two years we were together and everything was sensational. We'd go on business trips together and have a lot of fun time on the side. She would treat me out to a lot of company lunches and dinners. It was very fabulous. But like most great things it came to an end. She started to flirt with another woman at work and inviting her to come along on our outings. The next thing I knew, my ex had to go on business trips but couldn't bring me along anymore. Well, needless to say I caught on to what was going on and I broke up with her but she made my life hell while I remained working there. Finally, I couldn't take the ugly looks, the extra load of work and the gossip and I left. I had a great job and I could have gone up the rankings but it got so ugly that I had to leave it all. So, don't do it. It's not worth it. Having an affair to get to the top will only leave you at the bottom, trust me.

Ana, Washington

10/1/2005

I've had a considerable amount of success in my life and I enjoy helping my fellow women so I see nothing wrong in a relationship blooming between the two of us. If we are attracted to each other and we want to express that attraction by being together, what's so wrong with that? Don't judge us all.

Tina, Florida

10/1/2005

Straight women sleep with men to get to the top all the time so I think there's not a great difference or a greater sin if a woman sleeps with another woman to get a raise or better position at work. I've flirted with women who are above me at work and it's gotten me places. A smile and a few kind words can get you far so just imagine what sleeping with someone can get you. Life is a struggle and if you feel the need to use people to get somewhere then so be it.

Elizabeth, Florida

10/2/2005

It doesn't say much about us women that we use each other the same way that straight women use men to get to the top. I don't think it's right to use anyone to get anywhere. Use the fruits of your labor or your charisma to achieve what you want. I've never used anyone to accomplish my goals and I sleep very at peace with myself every night.

Stella, Ohio

10/2/2005

I've given jobs to many women during my lifetime and I feel good about it. Some of these women at some point later became my lovers. When we did break it off it was all done amicably. I've never had a problem with my past relationships at work. I don't see an issue with a lower level employee dating her woman boss and I don't see it as getting used. I think we've all benefited from our work relationships and otherwise.

Lorraine, Texas

10/3/2005

About ten years ago I dated a woman who was above me at work. It was quite nice at first because she would give me the leeway that she wouldn't give anyone else. But on the flip side, when we stopped seeing each other she made things harder on me than she did to her other collegues. I never dated her with intentions of getting a higher job but looking back at my experience, I would say it's a terribly bad idea to date someone at work especially if you don't have feelings for them and you're just doing it to get an easy ride.

Maggie, Maryland

10/5/2005

If a woman wants to get down with her lady boss then it’s no one else’s business but theirs. Not everyone comes from money and if sleeping with someone helps you get a promotion, I see nothing wrong with it. I’m sure there are some of you out their who judge women like us and I’m just sick of all your hypercritical bullshit! Life is hard enough for us to listen to a bunch of uptight women who most likely have their parents to help them out. If you come from a well off family I think you shouldn’t even bother giving your two cents on this topic! Obviously you know nothing about it. More power to all you ladies who seize the opportunity to make it in this world. Sleep, manipulate and do what you have to. And don’t pay mind to anyone who’s never given you anything in this world.

Pamela, Kansas

10/4/2005

Well I'm glad there's so many good hearted lesbians out there because you create a good counter balance to those of us "users" and "abusers". But maybe you shouldn't jump the gun so quickly to judge others.

I have dated women at work several times and yes, a lot of times I had more than love as an intention. But let me tell you something... when you come from where I came from, live where I lived and experience what I experienced... then you come talk to me.

If a gay woman wants to give me a raise, I'll take it. If a gay woman wants to give me a better job, I'll take it. If she wants to pay the rent for me - go for it. It's a dog eat dog world out there and I do what I have to do to live more comfortably. I've always dreamed of living a nice, cozy life and if a woman is willing to give it to me then baby, go and make my dreams come true.

Doing What It Takes, New Jersey

10/7/2005

I agree with the girl in New Jersey and the other in Kansas. Sometimes we all get caught up in what’s wrong or right without thinking about the people involved. Not everyone has the means to make it alone in the world and some need every little help they can get. Sometimes help is not as pure and beautiful as we want it to be. Sometimes it’s a little gray. Who’s to say it’s really wrong? No one should tell anyone how to live their lives. People should pay more attention to their own life. And if all they are going to do is tell us how wrong it is to be sleeping with your boss, then maybe they should tell me when I can move in with them being that I can learn so much from them. I’m sure there will be no takers. People just like to make others feel bad about things so they can feel better about their own life.

Angie, Ohio

10/8/2005

When's the last time any of you have done something for someone? Perhaps you shouldn't really look at this issue as a lesbian or bisexual woman using a woman maybe you should see it as accepting help from a sister and then, somehow, it blooming into something beautiful. That's how it's started for me several times and they've all been great experiences where I've learned a lot. To this day I don't regret them or think that I used any of those lovely ladies.

Brenda, Colorado

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