R.S.V.P. LOUNGE

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To Bee Or Not To Bee, That's Our Question...

After your heart has been stumped on, how long does it take you to get back on the dating wagon? Do you break out in hives at the idea of dating again? Or do you quickly become a busy bee sampling all the nectars out there?

I don't think I would be much of a bee. I'd be more like a snail who sees the dating scene across the road but takes forever to get there. I want to join everyone else in the dating scene and take a chance on love again but the thought of getting my heart crushed keeps me going at a very slow pace. I know I'll do it again but I don't know if anyone will hang around to get to know me better at the speed I'm operating. Everyone thinks differently on what's the proper time to get involved with someone. I don't know what's worse, going too fast and never getting to know anyone. Or going too slow and thinking about things so much that your fear of commiting yourself to someone again paralyzes you.

Unfortunately, I need to buy a bottle of Calamine lotion after I've been put into the recycling bin. If I've been in a long term relationship I need some time to heal and reflect on what happened and how I can, hopefully, prevent myself from making those same mistakes. Plus, a few weeks of sulking does my heart and soul good..... How could she do this to ME? Why ME? :) I do require some time before starting fresh with someone new. But it all depends on how long and how much you've shared with that person who you just broke up with. If it was a short amount of time and a superficial relationship then it's easier to get back on the dating train, express service.

2/22/05

Hi. I wanted to say something about this 'how long is long enough' before you start to date again. I'm sorry, but if you have been really, really in love with a woman then it has to take you a long time to get into dating again. I have always been in long term relationships and it's always taken me months to 'move along'. I've had friends who break up and are with someone new just a few days after the break up but I've never been able to understand that. If you've loved someone very dearly letting them go out of your mind is something that takes time. I don't know how long in specific but I know it takes a while.

'Philly Girl', Pennsylvania

2/22/05

Hey girls! I'm mostly writing to you tell you that you have a nice site going on. I enjoy coming in and reading what you are up to. I guess since I'm already writing this email I'll comment about the topic in your lounge.

I have always treated all my girlfriends with tons of respect and love but when we're through I have the right to move along and I do at whatever 'speed' I need to. It's just a matter of when I meet the next right girl, not how long it has been since I broke up.

My last relationship lasted about a year and when we broke up I started dating after two weeks and I don't regret it at all. I met a girl that I wish I had met a looooooooong time ago!

Belinda, Michigan

2/22/05

I don't like judging others. Every situation has some things that not everybody will understand. But I have to agree with Philly Girl that if you have been in love you just can hop to the next relationship that easily. I have had several long lasting relationships and after each one I've needed some time off from it all. I can imagine getting to know someone new when the memory of my ex is still so fresh in my head. I mean, if you can jump into a new relationship good for you but I don't work that way.

Sylvia, Canada

2/22/2005

I have a question rather than a comment------ Why do women always feel like they have to mourn an ex?? I'm bisexual and I've broken up with both guys and girls and trust me that my ex boyfriends have moved on without hesitation but my ex girlfriends take forever to go away. When it's over, it's over and it's time to get yourself a new girl or guy.

Teresa, California

2/23/05

Sorry girls but I think that the silliest thing you can do is brew over a relationship that's over and done with. I keep hearing and reading about the 'how can you move along so fast' attitude and it boggles my mind. What's up with that way of thinking? You obviously don't have in common what you used to have in common with your girl so get busy and find yourself a more compatible girl! It's easy. I don't know why we have to complicate ourselves so much.

Ula, New York

2/23/05

My thoughts on this topic are that people who talk about their ex’s should really wait a while to date other people. I had this girl who all she did was talk and talk about her ex to me, that I got fed up and just handed her my cell phone and told her to give her a call. After all, my date was really not into me at all.

Abby, Nebraska

2/23/05

It’s a shame that people don’t take some time to heal their broken hearts before they begin to date again. It’s just not right to rush things just because you feel you’re the only one in your group who doesn’t have a girl friend. I know of some girls who will date just about anyone just as long as they are not alone and it’s just thier way handling things and sometimes within the dating around, they do fall in love again.

Gemma, Virginia

2/25/05

I'm writing to you to express my thoughts about the topic on the lounge. I don't think there is a right or wrong time to start dating again after a relationship has ended. It's really all about feelings and what feels right for you. Some people heal quickly and others need a very long time to get over the hurt. We can't judge everyone with the same yardstick.

Haylie, Texas

2/26/05

Hi girls. I have something to say about this topic you have on the board. What I want to say is that love is something you can't explain or rationalize. So if you can't do this you can't put a time frame when things should happen. I cannot tell my heart when to love or stop loving. I think we all go into the next relationship when we feel we are ready. For some people it takes two weeks and for others two years. Just follow your heart, it always tells you what you need to do.

Rozalia, Hungary

2/26/05

I used to be in straight relationships but after none of them satisfying me I knew I was a lesbian 100%. Ever since I've been in relationships with women I have loved in a way I never knew I could love. What I'm trying to say is that it always takes me a long time to recover and move along. Lesbian relationships are so intense, I could never dream of loving one woman immediately after having loved another one. I need to take my time between relationships.

Cari, Indiana

2/28/05

To the ladies who try to distinguish between lesbian and straight love, I have to tell them that being with a woman or man can be a wonderful and intense experience. I've enjoyed being with both sexes and I've suffered just as much when I ended things with Mark as I did when I was through with Sarah. But getting back to the topic of discussion, I for one, need space and time before going at it with a new person. I feel depleated, alone and confused after a relationship has run its course. I need time to recapture that energy and self esteem to tackle the challenges of being with someone new.

Josie, California

2/28/05

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here but, come on, grow up! Why do you all feel like you need to sulk for a while? Is this a guilt trip brought on by society or what? I happen to agree with Teresa about stopping the moping around and getting a life. I don't mean this in a bad sense. But you're doing yourself no favors by crying and feeling miserable. Getting your heart broken is a part of life. It hurts. It sucks. But you have to keep going.

Camille, Washington D.C

2/28/05

Hello, I want to say that I think the timing between relationships maybe is also because of the culture we grow up in. I am Latina and in my culture people are not happy when you separate with someone and soon you're with someone else. I think anyway, that it's good to wait a little before starting to be with another person. It gives you time to get to know yourself.

Rosio, Mexico

3/2/05

Maybe I'm going to kill the romance of lesbian relationships when I tell you all that you're wasting your time waiting to heal. The best way to get over your past relationship is to start to get to know a refreshing, new person. Every time I'm through with a girl I just can't wait to meet the next one. I've been with so many wonderful women throughout my life! I wouldn't change ONE SINGLE THING.

Ana, Florida

3/2/05

You can tell me whatever you want. You might think it's really cool or modern to hop from one relationship to another but if that's the way you behave then I can't think you've really loved your partner that much. I could never go from one partner to the next in a matter of weeks, like some of you here say you do.

Jackie, Illinois

3/04/05

Well after reading all these comments and making me go down memory lane I just have one thing to say: Lydia, I miss you so much! You can come back anytime because I haven't been able to get you off my mind!!!

Katy, Iowa

3/4/05

Hey, what's up everyone? I just came out of the closet late last year so I haven't been in a woman to woman relationship yet (I can't wait!) but I just wanted to say that I think it's great and unique that you all seem to feel differently about this topic. I can't give you my two cents yet but just thinking about it makes me think that I'm probably going to be the kind of girl who's gonna be all hung up about my ex girlfriend. But I hope I can be a little like some of you that can find the good side of ending a relationship.

Meg, Georgia

3/6/05

To all of you who can't get over your ex and start dating again I have a little story to tell you. Hopefully, it will help you get over the hump.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago. At the moment, we both sort of agreed that it was the best thing for us (we both have to travel a lot and we didn't get to spend too much time together). But, as it happens sometimes, after a while I started missing her and hearing through my friends that she was too, a bit depressed about the break. So I thought, maybe we could make things work out afterall. I then called her and asked her if we could have dinner and she gladly accepted. Halfway during our meal I fessed up to her that I missed her and I thought maybe we could give our relationship a second chance. As I told her all of this she looked at me with that loving look of hers only to tell me that she was now dating a great girl and she'd never dream of going back with me!

So ladies, wise up. When she walks out, your heart and mind should walk on to the next lady out there.

Ellen, New York

3/6/05

I just have one thing to say:

As I read your lounge comments, it's easy to tell who was in love with their girlfriend and who was in love with themselves!

J.S., Missouri

3/9/05

Hi all. I just wanted to thank all the candid responses by most of you. I think it's nice and ok to get on with your life when you're finished with your relationship. And I don't think comments like the one from J.S. from Missouri are necessary. She can't know how someone feels or has gone through. She too easily judged everyone here and that's wrong. Maybe she knew she was doing wrong in the first place and that's why she only submitted her initials.

Sue, Texas

3/10/05

Sue from Texas,

We thank you for your open and honest comments and this being a lounge for all we thank JS' words too, whether we agree or not fully agree with them.

Thanks for dropping by and keep the comments coming.

Espresso Chick

3/13/05

If someone walks out on you, I think the best thing is to move along. Maintain the friendship, if possible but give up on trying to work things out. So with that in mind I think it's best to take some time to heal and date other people.

Alex, Florida

3/13/05

I gave my heart once and I'm too old now to play games so I just date without expectations. It was really hard to get over my ex. My advice is, if you can date right away, then do it. After all you are single and free to do so.

Denise, California

3/18/05

I just had to write you and give you my perspective on the topic being discussed. I have to say that although it's flattering when you're ex still is interested in having you in their lives it can also get scary. My ex (she actually was the one that broke up with me) just didn't know how to let me go. After she told me she didn't love me and asked me to move out she started calling me asking me to come back. Not only that, but she would call me at work, wait for me in front of my apartment, she'd leave messages with my friends. So I just have to say that in my experience, when you break up it's best not to talk for a long time (if ever). My ex was basically on the edge of becoming a stalker and I didn't enjoy at all.

Maureen, Massachusetts.

3/22/05

I'm a lesbian, I enjoy and LOVE women but if there's one thing that I don't enjoy or love about lesbian lovin is all the break up drama. Ladies, when it's over, give it up and move on to the next thing. There are so many wonderful women out there, you shouldn't waste a second crying over the one that got away. You're really just doing harm to yourself and no one else.

Elisa, Indiana

3/19/05

Hi. I'd like to comment about the rsvp topic of the month. I don't think my comment is going to sit well with most of the ladies, but it's a free country, right? Anyway, I think those of you (us) that dwell too much on a relationship that has ended suffer from low confidence. I know you might still have feelings for your ex but to sit there and need so much time to get on with your life is just a sign of confusion, dependency and low self worth.

Pam, Georgia

3/23/05

I've come to the conclusion that your mourning period for a relationship gone south is just a matter of how much you loved that person. I've been in a handful of relationships by now and the amount of time it takes me to date again has varied anywhere from a month to almost a year. You can't tell your mind or heart what to do when it comes to love and when it's a good time to or not do something.

Gerri, Iowa

3/23/05

When I read Maureen from MA's comment I thought I was the one writing it! The only problem is that I've had two ex girlfriends basically stalk me until fear almost won me over. I mean, really, if you still love someone or you think you do it's all right if you let them know but if they're not interested in getting back with you then please drop it and start dating. If you don't, after a while you just might start spooking the pants out of your ex!!!

Audrey, Illinois

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